Gag Order

Okay, i am going to try something new in the next couple of weeks.  Since this is an Improv based web site and I am blogging on Hendersonville's premiere Improv troupe, Gag Order's website, I should try my best to improvise my blog entries.  So, what I've done, is go to another improv group's website, Trophy Wife, who podcast their Harold's every month and steal their suggestion to write my blog.  I do not watch their harold to get any idea...

  Okay!  I know it has been a long time.  How long?  I really don't know.  I could look at the date of the last post and takes today's date and do the math, but I'm in a comedy troupe.  Math is beyond me!  That's right!  I'm an artist!  Artist cannot be bothered with what normal people know, like math, news, or just general everyday tasks.  

    But , I don't need to know these things.  As an artist, I really nee...

    Okay, I?m sorry. I know it?s been a while since I wrote a blog entry, but there has been a lot of going ons happening. We had a loss in the family, our computer blew up, and I just had cataract surgery and could not read the computer screen for about two weeks.

    Cataract surgery is actually what I was wanting to blog to you about. I am writing you using my reading glasses and after I am done I will take them off and go about my business. That?s r...

    Hey! I thought I would get a blog out there since I haven’t written one in awhile. Hmmm. I really don’t know what to say with this one. Yesterday, we were at a memorial for my wife’s father, Dave Fender. So, I haven’t really been in that funny of a mood lately or felt like blogging.

    It was told time and time again, that Dave had a sense of humor and loved to laugh and make people laugh, and, knowing the man, I c...

Dear Hermit I never took the time to learn your name,

   Hey, don’t kill the messenger, but I was carrying my groceries home very quickly and keeping to myself and walked by you carrying your groceries, quickly and keeping to yourself, and I caught a wift of you. You smell. I thought I should let you know because I consider us close friends who hardly ever met. So, I thought I would let you know about BO (that‘s body order, I‘ve heard the others...

    Hey! I just saw “Star Trek” with my wife last night. It was a pretty fun, action filled movie, but as a pretty hardcore “Star Trek” fan, I was really disappointed in it. In the universe of “Star Trek”, they got a lot of things wrong! I am really surprised it’s such a big hit at the box office. I am shocked that “the trekkies” haven’t burned down their local movie theaters. It really did s disservice to the “S...

   Please click the link below before reading this very important blog and read the article about snack abuse (by the way, Thanks LEW).

http://www.blueridgenow.com/article/20090513/NEWS/905139979/1151?Title=Rector-convicted-of-assaulting-his-wife

   Are you back? Okay, good. I?m calling all my friends to come to ...

    Okay, I hope I didn?t get your hopes with the last blog. I was going to go through ?The Friday the 13th? series with you to demonstrate what bad movies they are and how they were made just to steal money from young kids.

    Well, I started to write this blog about three days ago and started to go through the plot of each film, one by one. When I finally go to the third film, I was about six pages in to this and realized it became one of th...

   Okay, just recently, I just finished watching all of the “Friday the 13th” films, excluding the Michael Bay remake. First, a little back story on why I did this. When I was growing up, my family got it’s first VCR (video cassette recorder for those of you under 15 years of age) when I was five years old. And on average, we would rent about two movies every week. Mom and dad would rent a movie and my brothers and I would choose one.

 ...

This is my first drunk blog. This one is written under the influence of 64 ounces of Dos Equis. If you are thinking of this in bottle form then that is 5.3 bottles (assuming that we are talking about 12 ounce bottles). I have a really good buzz goinjg on and I have d3ecideed to leave all s0pelliing and greammer mistakes in to porve my drunkness.

And I wanted to day that I love you.Man, I love all of you. You are the bestest people ever and if you are reading my blog then you are really...

     I don’t usually gear my material to one certain demographic or another, but today will be an exception. Today is my friend’s, Matt, birthday. So, today, I would go ahead and share a transcript of a birthday lunch with action star, Chuck Norris.

Me: Hello. I’m glad you could make it.

Chuck: It’s a pleasure to be here. Happy Birthday!

Me: Well, thank you. But it’s not my birthday.

   I've been seeing a lot of time travel shows and movies (LOST, Primer, Back to the Future, Time Splitters,that one is a video game, The Terminator). And frankly, I'm a little tired of trying to wrap my head around the whole "time travel, paradox" stuff. I?m tired of thinking about my present being somebody else's past or future or if I die in the past, it won't affect my future self because I would be currently living my present and my future is now my past and whatever.

&#...

    I am sure some of you have noticed that I haven’t blogged in several days. Well, my friends, the truth is that I have been living with a hidden shame for all these 31 years of my life. A secret so dreadful, I fear I might lose some readers (all five of you. If that) once this truth is revealed in the light of day. But this secret, which I have buried deep in my soul for these many years, is like the old man with the evil eye that is buried beneath floor boards in Edga...

   I thought my life as a substitute teacher would be a lot different from what it is now. Sure, there are some upsides like being a role model, seeing the curiosity of a young person, and being able to help a student when no one else could. Yeah, all that’s great, but I haven't got to shoot anybody in years.

   I got in to the subbing biz after I saw a film that would change my life. That film was called, “The Substitute“. It starred T...

    “Watchmen” opened last week and turned out to be a flop. No, I’m not talking about “Watchmen”, the movie based on the groundbreaking graphic novel of the same name. I am talking about the other “Watchmen” that opened last weekend.

    The actual title is “Allan Kolowalski’s Watchmen”. This “Watchmen” opened the same weekend. The superhero “Watchmen” opened ...

    Hey! Sorry I haven’t blogged in a while. A few reasons: Our computer was in the shop, my wife had her gallbladder out, a lost both of my arms in a horrible lion attack, the internet was down, I am wanted for murder in Alabama (but who isn’t?), I had writer’s block, just got involved with illegal hamster fights (which are really long, but engaging, like “The Godfather.” It is often called “The Godfather” of illegal animal fights), I ...

    So, there I was, Christopher Walken on my left and Donny Walberg, from New Kids on the Block fame, on my right and standing in front of us are 15 of the most ruthless members of the Russian Mafia. We, Walken, Walberg, and me, Jason “the JDawg” Denton”, stood in front of the ruskees in our fighter’s stance ready to put our red opponents down.

    I met Chris and Donny in China four years ago. We met by chance. We each...

    Please! Please! Boycott all Jonas Brothers’ albums, concert tickets, movies, and other merchandise. I read from a …uh… news paper that is known for printing only the truth and stuff, that the Jonas Brothers give all of their profits to drug dealers, pimps, and the like to finance virgin sacrifices.

    Plus, they think all of their fans are stupid and morons and ugly. “Don’t these idiots know we suck and are on...

    Here it is my folks, my second blog. I thought I would write about a dream I had two nights ago. I know talking about one’s dreams can be daunting to some, but this one’s different. This one, I don’t think, has any deep meanings or profound symbolism. It’s a little dream about pot (the drug not the cooking item).

    Ok. The dream opens with me hanging out with a couple of guys at a coffee house. I...

    Hey! It's my first blog. I am so excited to have a blog. Hey, where did the blog get it's name in the first place, huh? Was the guy who invented it named ...Harvey Blogerstein?! ........ Harvery Blogerstein!? Uh....Well, I tell ya folks, blog sure is a strange word. It sounds like a weird disease . "Hey Ted, I got a case of the ...blog again"........I said, "Hey Ted, I got a case of the blog again...... Boy, this blog is a pretty terrible weird disease....I feel .....bloggy...