Gag Order

  Okay!  I know it has been a long time.  How long?  I really don't know.  I could look at the date of the last post and takes today's date and do the math, but I'm in a comedy troupe.  Math is beyond me!  That's right!  I'm an artist!  Artist cannot be bothered with what normal people know, like math, news, or just general everyday tasks.  

    But , I don't need to know these things.  As an artist, I really need to know a few things.  First, I need to know that conservative republicans are fascist.  I just need to disagree with everything they say, despite my lack of knowledge to be able to back my arguments up. I need to know how to drink coffee at a coffee house and read at the same time.  Man Oh Man!  That's Hard!  I'm just staring at words on paper and trying not to burn my tongue, and...AND doing all that while looking like a douche. Also, I need to say things like, "Oh, yeah. He's a genius!", when other people referring to any other artist that is in the same field as me.

      But enough of that!  Actually, a lot of things have happened to me since  wrote last time.  I flew on my first commercial flight.  It was only a flight from Asheville, NC to Atlanta, GA.  Just in case geography is not your thing, that's a really short flight.  It's actually about a 40 minute flight, but let's start from the beginning.  I got there to the Asheville Airport, said goodbye to my wife and headed to the security check point.  It is here where I show my ignorance of airports and the system they have in place.  I was standing behind a man who was being instructed to put his shoes, electronics, and liquids in a bin and put his luggage on the conveyer belt.  So, i was just standing there waiting for him to go through the metal detector.  

    So, seeing this for the first time, I thought the security has to go through same speech with everyone.  So, I was patiently waiting my turn for this man to go through the whole process.  Meanwhile, a man was standing behind me.  Then, I felt his bag pushing up against me.  Then I felt his body pushing up against me.  He has actually pushing against me so hard that I have my feet planted and pushing back against him.  At this point, I have no idea what is going on!  I was thinking it could be two possible reasons why this man is pushing me forward without saying anything.  One possible reason is that he was a terrorist trying to run past the security station.  So, I felt a little pride for a brief moment in time thinking I was protecting my country from this mad man.  The other possible reason is that he is just a dick, and he knows something that I don't and this is his asshole way of conveying what he knows that I don't.

       While this is going on, the security lady sends the man she was dealing with through the metal detector and then looks at us and says, "Oh, you can go ahead and put your shoes, electronics, and liquids in the bin".  It was then the man behind me pushes past me to the stack of bins and proceeds to get his stuff out to go through the security check.  So, the man behind me's intentions are revealed  He's a dick.  But don't worry, I gave him my patented "You're a dick" death stare.. So he knows what he did.

     The other interesting part of my first flight was all the things said over the PA, at the airport and on the plane.  I couldn't understand a word that they were saying.  When they were announcing the loading of a plane, no one was quite sure what they were saying.  When my flight was announced to be loading, I was so unsure of what they said, I asked the woman standing beside what was said over the PA.  This is what she said, "I don't know, but they will let you know if you are getting on the right plane."   

      In other words, no one knows what they're saying over the PA! People are just guessing what planes to get on and hoping that they will be informed if it's the right plane or not!  If there is a better example of being complacent, I would love to hear it.  Instead of demanding for a more clear and concise way of knowing what planes are arriving or departing (by the way, this is just the Asheville Airport), people would rather just randomly pick a line to stand in and hope for the best!

     It's even worse on the plane.  Now remember, I have never flown before and after the pushing match at the security station, I really want to know what is going on at all times to avoid fist a cuffs with future assholes who know more than I do.  So, the flight attendant is given the safety speech before we take off.  I cannot hear a word he's saying.  First of all, the intercom system is horrible and fuzzy!  And the other reason is everyone is talking to each other !  They are talking to their seat partners, across the aisles, and to the people in front of them and to the back of them.  No one cares what the flight attendant is saying! I have no idea what to do if we crash.  I don't know where to go when the plane has to land in a field somewhere or the ocean or anything!  Maybe everyone else does, but I'm screwed!  All I can do is hope for an asshole to push me where I need to be going!

     Anyway, It was short flight.  I arrived at the Atlanta Int. Airport, which is about 50 times bigger than Asheville's but a 100 times less confusing.  I can hear all the announcements, everything is clearly marked and  I had no trouble finding my way to where I needed to be.  

     So, that's my first flight story.  I will try to get in a more of a pattern of writing these things.  By the way, if you are reading these things, please leave some comments!  Tell me what you think, something you would like me to write about, or anything I can approve.

Blog ya later.