Gag Order

Okay, i am going to try something new in the next couple of weeks.  Since this is an Improv based web site and I am blogging on Hendersonville's premiere Improv troupe, Gag Order's website, I should try my best to improvise my blog entries.  So, what I've done, is go to another improv group's website, Trophy Wife, who podcast their Harold's every month and steal their suggestion to write my blog.  I do not watch their harold to get any ideas of what to write.  I just simply look at the suggestion of their latest podcast.  I will do this once a week or if you would like, suggest a word when commenting on the blog and I will use the first one suggested.  

The suggestion this week is : Freckles.

Growing up here in Hendersonville I used hang out a lot with my cousins, Jonathan and Jefferey. They were twins, who had red hair and freckles.  A lot of my summers, my brothers and I would go over to their house and play "Cops and Robbers" or "War" or "G.I. Joe" or something else that involved shooting at each other with toy guns.  They had a pretty big yard and some wooded areas on their property.  So, games that involved hiding were the best games to play.

I enjoyed the games up to a point.  I never had the attention span to play these games well.  I would run off in to the woods to hide and in my mind I would have a master plan on how to ambush my cousins and brothers and destroy their army with a military defensive that Patton would be proud of, but I would often see a tree or a cloud that would remind of something or spark my imagination and I would start to daydream and leave the battlefield for some other land that was just created in my mind.

For example,  I remember one time, I went off to the woods to hide and plan my attack.  I saw an uprooted tree.  It was a fairly large tree and it had long, thick roots that remided me of a squid's tentacles.  Laying beside the tree was a long branch that, in my mind, resembled a sword.  I stared at this squid for a long time and forgot about the war that I was currently in and wondered how this squid was on the land here in the woods.  I also wondered who's sword was laying there.  Was the previous owner of the sword in the belly of the beast?  There was no doubt in my mind that he was and the great beast would continue his attacks on the land unless he was destroyed.

I watched in horror as the great beast moved slowly through the land, devouring everything in it's path.  In an hour or so, it would be to the village, where my family lived.  My family were just simple, poor goat herders.  In fact, we were seventeen generations  of goat herders.  Goat herding was my destiny, or so I thought.

Two months ago, before this beast arrived to threaten my whole existence.  Our village, was visited by a band traveling gypsies.  The gypsies come about once a year to our village to sell their wares and perform magic.  There was an old fortune teller that travelled with them.  On their last visit, I paid the gypsy woman to read my fortune to me. She looked deep in to the crystal ball and then looked at me with shock and horror.  She pointed her crooked finger at me and said, "You are a sheep herder, yes?  And a sheep herder is the life for you, yes? "

"Yes."  I replied.

"Noooooooo!", her voiced crackled.  "You're destiny is not yet written!  You're destiny might change very soon.  You will have to make a choice in the forest soon.  You must decide then and there if life shall travel down the path of the herder's staff or the warrior's sword! It is then you will know your true destiny!"

I stood watching the beast grab another tree with it's mighty tentacles and devour another tree.  I glanced at the sword.  Was this what the woman was talking about?  Is the sword my destiny or am I to be yet another sheep herder in my family.  Shall I go on and destroy beasts and enemies of mankind with the mighty sword that lay at my feet or shall I run home and grab my staff and flee with my family to another village and wait for the beast to arrive there and destroy our lives again.

I stared at the sword.  Then I said a prayer to the gods, "Give me the strength to wield this weapon and slay the beast! "

I reached down to pick up the blade, that was my true path, and then.....I was hit by a nerf arrow and was informed that I was dead and had to sit out the rest of the war until my brothers and cousins were finished with this game.

Man, I sucked at war.